Well, whats new in the house here...Ive got to get myself into a routine...I know I keep saying it but it sure is hard. Trying to find things to say day after and after. Well, D is an absolute monster. I didnt know what a monster was until she began to walk. Man o man...She is horrible. I hope it doesnt get any worse..Im at my witts end..lol...I love her to death but geez...


J...she is at my witts end too...The latest news...She took my white windows phone to school and someone...rather one of her school friends stole it..We have it narrowed down to one of 3 girls...It really irritates me something fierce too...People these days...it just bugs me to no end..what nerve they have to steal someone else's property..I hope we get it back..

I just dont know what to do with her these days. Grounding her doesn't seem to phase her none, threatening her to military school doesnt seem to phase her...arg....I give up....what to do...what to do...Im scared for the teenage years to come...Help me!!!!


Well, later taterz....
me!!!

Howdy all....Had my doctors appointment. Went okay I guess but I have an MRI scheduled for Friday...wooohooo....Today is my day for injections..yep the day has finally come. I am nervous...I know I shouldnt be worried about the pain because well, Ive gone through the most pain already but hey its in my pelvic region ofcourse im going to be nervous...But hey once its done, its over and done with. Right???


I am at my witts end with J...She is being a total shit and I dont know what to do...I am so close to sending her to Military school, I swear to god...Her indignant attitude, condisending attitude...Its really pissing me off big time...Its been going on for some time and shes been grounded off and on but the other day just topped the cake. I let her go with her friends to this volleyball thing and she told me she would be home at 7. She told me that...So I made dinner and waited for 7 to come around, well...it came and went ok, no problem then the time started going by and no J....Before i knew it, it was 8 and still no J..Im freaken out and finally she comes waltzing in the door. I get Im sorry, I didnt know what time it was. With phone in hand, tho the phone doesnt work, the time still does...No remorse, no NOTHING....So Im done....
I called her father and told him what is going on and hes pissed.

On a brighter note, My birthday is in 5 days....The 6th of November...wooohooo, Yay me!!!

Well, until later....
later taterz
Me!!!

Okie dokie, Im back...I took a little time off...I know I shouldnt but hey life gets a little busy with kids and school and just life in general..It shouldnt since I tried to dedicate myself to my blog and I'm going to once again try my hardest to try first thing in the morning to blog my days business and then end it with what has happend!!!

So, I felt great this morning, woke J up and got her off to school, well, she comes in and says mom its so cold out can you drive me to school. Really??? Ya big chicken...Put your jacket on and walk your happy little butt to school...When it gets really cold out then Ill drive ya to school until then nope, not gonna happen..lol..Is that bad of me?? lol...

So, instead of going back and laying down like I usually do while D is sleeping, knowing that I have a boat load of stuff to do today..I got my happy little butt in the shower, did my hair and makeup...You know..mommy time, me time..and gosh...It felt great...and sure enough just as I got finished...I heard D rambling on and on....It was soo cute...So guess what time it was....D time and lord knows if D doesnt get her time when she wants it...The house isnt a happy house...lol..

So fed and changed her and now not only is D a happy camper but Mom can get her stuff worked on and all is well in the house...lol...

So todays plans are...

• Get the car to Volkswagon and call Enterprise for my rental car....
• Come back home and go to my Doctor appt. for x-rays first on my neck and middle back.
• Then my appt. with my surgeon to find the results from the xrays to find out what if any damage is to my upper spine and what happens next.
• Find out if and when my carpal tunnel surgery is....Nice huh!!!
• Find out they are going to blood work to find out why my L5-S1 vertebrae is fused when the surgeons didnt do, which means my body did it...which means I need answers from my surgeon.
• Get my perscription for physical therapy again.
• Schedule physical therapy...Yay...like Im excited about that one...lol..
• Come home and figure out what Im going to make for dinner...which if anyone knows me well enough that is a chore in itself and a big anxiety issue for me....Dont ask me why but it is...

Hopefully by this time I can finally relax and veg for a little while on the couch while J tells me about her day at school. Oh yeah J is bringing home her little boyfriend for me to meet...Should be quite interesting to say the least.

I did however already this morning get my quiz for class done so now all I have to do is 2 replys and I am finished with class for the day. The only problem is usually no one has really posted anything except for the teacher so Ill probably work on my class reply later tonight when everything has been done and dinner has been finished.

So as for no I think Im gonna say see ya...

Later Taterz....
Me.....

Today was awesome!!!

Well, today was awesome...my little bug drank from a straw for the first time...yay!!! she was so cute and thought she was big and tough...acted like she was a pro...Started my new class...I am so happy and enjoying this class, everyday sociology and its going great, Im gonna say it...so far...I know Im jinxing myself. But oh well...

I had such a productive day and I feel great. Tommorro J has a doctors appointment at 8:40 am for her toe. So I am going to have another productive day as well and just keep the positive energy going. I have too and that is all there is to it.

I made chicken and dumplings for the first time and it turned out great. wooohoo...hehe..I am just so happy right now, and I have felt like this is so long. I didnt take a nap and didnt sleep til noon today. So hopefully when I finally lay my head on the pillow I will be able to sleep through the night.


Well, off to yummy icecream from A&W....wooohoo...

Later taterz,
Me....

Hey everyone...Today was a great start to the weekend. J went to her dads yesterday for the weekend, he came and picked her up. It was nice to sit and talk with him without any fights like we have been having lately. It seems to be like it used to be years ago.

I made dinner last night, Mashed potatoes and my chicken recipe. Yummy dinner it sure was. Even had left overs and D even liked the chicken too! Which suprised me but hey thats just more of a bonus.

D has been such a little devil. Im so not used to it, J was never this much of one, but I was told, If you have a second child they are going to the worst of the two. Boy, oh boy were they right.. but then she looks up and smiles and all you can do is laugh. Gave her a bath last night and right before I took her out she does the unthinkable. Gave me a nice present....Yep, you guessed it. Pooped right in the tub so I ended up having to clean the tub after I got her out. It was so nasty...Thanks alot D...LOL...

So, today I started my new little part time endevour...I started Secret Shopping. It doesnt pay alot but does get me out of the house and it so far since this is my first time, is quite interesting to say the least. I have a couple other ones going at the same time. Like I said I just started and it isnt alot of money but it keeps me busy and gets me out of the house. So Im kind of excited.

Well, off to start my studies, hope you all have a great weekend...

Later taters,
Me....

Well, we took the little one in the other day, she needs glasses..Yep little baby glasses...so we shall see how we are going to get her to keep them on, that should be interesting to say the least...lol..but I think she is going to look way too cute in them...hehe..

So this is my little recap of whats been going on...

We figured out the little porker..hehe...loves her potato chips and watch out because if you have them, she has them now!!!

I finally have a schedule on how to start my day with everything, tho its still a work in progress but its coming along...so here goes...

1. Depending on what time the little one wakes up, usually anytime between 6-8, she has her "Good Morning" cereal by Beechnut, then sometimes a bottle to follow depending on her mood. Followed by a nap, sometimes mom too but I want to start my walks then. Just havent done it.
2. Anywhere from 10-12, when she wakes up then its oatmeal time and she knows it and if she doesnt get her Quaker oatmeal...Watch out cause shes on a rampage...lol..Its just way too cute...
3. I figure now is my time to work for about an hour on my homework.
4. Next, I figure check my email and sit down and work on my blogs.
5. I started to do this mystery shopping thingy, just started to check it out, so I let you all know how it goes.

Now after I finish all that, Its time to clean up the house and do my chores and any time around 2pm is usually when little one lays down for a nap and then around 3:20 J comes home from school.

I decided to start talking to J about how her day was at school and whats new and then its time to figure out what for dinner and start making it.

So, I think Ive got a good plan started, besides the little whom has her own schedule all set pretty much in stone...thats what my day is like usually on a regular basis...

Until later taterz...
Me...

Sorry so blunt and to the point...but hey!!!

So, I know I have deserted my poor little blog here for sometime, I am so sorry. I am back I promise and I am here to say that because I have to change and why do I have to??? Well, not only for myself do I have to change and make life a much better place but also for my girls because they deserve their mommy back and a better mommy than ever before. I am only 34 for Christ sake and I need to start living again. I need to quit thinking about my pains even tho I struggle every day but I need to just fight again like I used to...So I've come up with a game plan...wooohooo...can you tell I've given this a'lot of thought and I'm back kicking and screaming because if I don't I am gonna loose the important people around me and then what or why am I really  fighting for except for myself which, yes is a good reason but its not good enough or I should say its still not a good enough of a reason to fight as hard for. I have spent the last 12 years fighting a really tough battle to keep my head above water and showing everyone that despite the odds and let me tell ya there were a ton of odds at times against me. Yet when the cards were stacked against me and no one was there to fight with me or for me, it was my daughter who stood beside me and fought just as hard to move forward and guess what folks we are here today to say "Screw you to everyone that talked bad or laughed at us, cause we don't need anyone who doesn't believe in the real us." 

These are the things I have come up with 

•  I also realized and it took awhile that there are people still who listen to others and think the worst of me and just want to talk smack of me and to you screw you, cause if you don't want to take the time to get to know me or at least ask me then you don't need to know me.
• If you are going to vent about me to others, don't bother because your just spreading gossip, and I don't need gossipers in my life regardless who you are!!
• If you love me, just love me. That's all I ask. 
• Love me for me regardless of my past, my past is my past not yours!!
• If you have a problem with me or something in my life, talk to me or ask me not someone else!! If I don't want to tell you its up to me to do so either you like it or not.
• I am not an alcoholic, druggie or pill popper (I'm lucky if I remember to take my PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION when I'm suppose too). If you have a problem with what medications I am on, its your problem not mine.
• Unless you have lived a day in my shoes, walked a step in my shoes, I am going to ask nicely, not because I have to but because I want too, DON'T judge me please....just be my friend.
• I don't know your pain and you don't know my pain so don't humor me or say you understand because you don't have any clue as to the amount a pain I go through on a daily basis, so with that said it leads me to next.......
• I will say it again, I have medication I take on a daily basis for my pain (BTW, that I have lived with for 12 years) regardless of what it is, so don't judge me one bit. Just live your own life, and accept me. If you cant leave me be and live your own life.
• Yes, I have a past. It is MY past not yours, I have accepted, acknowledged my wrongs and paid my dues, what should it matter to you. If if doesn't affect your daily life....ignore it and just live your life.....
• Whomever I choose to have in my life at whatever time and period is my choice, not yours. Regardless of has happened in the past is not any of your business and should never be yours. I don't worry about yours don't worry about mine. 
• Lastly, don't pass judgement off on me unless you want me to do it to you!! It seems so easy for some to do so but let me tell your time is about due if you continue so word to wise, if you think your slate is clean of all judgement and your an angel, you have another thing coming.
• They say those who live in glass house shouldn't throw rocks.....well...some love to throw huge boulders....just saying....

With that all being said, I'm sure as I become more clear and level headed, I'm gonna add to that list, and its for my own benefit  I need to clear my head to let all my frustrations out so that I can better myself with my many sicknesses. Well, that's why my therapist tells me. I'm also told to write letters with my thoughts and what has been bothering me to people with the hopes that one day mailing them. I'm not sure if I am at that stage because I'm sure there are a few that might hurt some relationships but I know I need to write them just because feelings having been bottled up for a long time. 

Now, I'm sure there are a lot of you, that's if you read this blog and see this post, that don't think or believe I go through daily struggle's with pain and my back. I'm sure there are a lot of you out there that because of our wonderful world of Facebook see pictures and what not....I'm gonna tell ya first and foremost, and set the book straight (or however you say it)...lol...Just because I post pictures or I have taken a trip here or there doesn't mean squat!!!!...My life quite frankly sucks on daily basis, on the level of pain. The reason I post pictures and took a trip here or there is for either my kids benefit or for my sanity....After a person has two FAILED back surgeries, develops several other conditions because I couldn't find a doctor soon enough to fix my back, I don't sleep much due to pain, cant do regular household chores like I used...so on and so forth..Or quite frankly Live a normal life....Don't you think I might deal with the pain once or twice in awhile to make my kids happy....I am so sick of hearing people say that she doesn't seem like there's anything wrong with here cause shes doing this or that. Better yet, how about finding a doctor that will help you but you cant because of the medication you have to take but you still live in pain daily PAIN PILLS STILL AREN'T STRONG ENOUGH. NOT BECAUSE YOUR ADDICTED TO THEM BUT BECAUSE YOUR PAIN TOLERANCES IS SO FREAK-EN HIGH......Yet people call you a pill popper and doctors look at you as a addict....I don't have to but I will...I'm not an addict and I know this because.....when I got pregnant with  who is a year now, I was on Oxycontin 2 times a day and percocet I could if needed 4 times a day, tho I didn't take the perc's 4 times a day, I quit taking the oxy's and perc's cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant. No side affects after taking them over a year. Now I would say normally for anyone that is addicted to them would die, but I'm lucky enough not to be addicted to either of them. The problem I have is the intense pain without them because of the back surgeries not working. Though when I was pregnant I did take a percocet daily because it was worse on the baby if you are in so much pain, too hard on the baby... (you can google it if you don't believe me) Besides that, I'm to the point now, if you want to call me a pill popper without knowing me or talk about me to others like people do, then go ahead if it makes you feel better because I just done with you and I don't need you in my life. I'm 34 and all I want are people that are going to understand what I go through a daily basis and support me because its difficult for right now and if you cant understand and your going to judge me than just walk away and do it now rather than later...

Okay....well, with all that said...woooshhh...I feel a little better...my own form of therapy...hehehe....well, it might seem harsh to some but it needed to be said and well there ya go folks its done, out in the open for the world to read and I'm not ashamed...I've spent too much of my life being ashamed for the choices or decisions I've made and I just cant do it anymore...New chapter in my life...Peace and harmony.....

Until, later on....take it easy and Love all....

Later Taterz

~~Me~~Im beginning to get find my muchness again!!!