So, its been awhile since I've blogged and I do apologize but its been a very busy but a very stressful time for me. I have been restlessling with many different things lately. I have been going through many different things that I really didnt want to express here but I being a single mother raising two beautiful girls, young girls and girls that are very, well I guess smart in the sense as they see everything going on around them. I have been dealing or rather struggling with my own issues of depression and bipolar and fighting to keep up with the everyday doings of motherhood. I know it shouldn't be that hard. 

What is so hard about getting up everyday, get J off to school, get the D up and feed her, play with her and do whatever needs to be done at the time until she is ready for her afternoon nap. When she goes down for her nap, that should be the time I get my stuff done, like the house work etc. When she gets up feed her lunch and by that time J should be home from school and its time to find out what happened at school and get J to get her chores started and by this time it is time for me to get dinner started. Once this is getting going we eat and I  then I clean up and get D ready for her bath and bedtime and then its Mom and J's time or Mom's time and J's time to do whatever needs to get finished like mom does homework or just veg out and J does her own thing...which mind you is a-o-k...LOL...and now it probably time for J to take her shower and then its J bedtime...Now its surely moms time to do whatever....The day is finally over....Yay!!!!!....

Sure....on paper or rather computer seems simple and easy but for some reason to get it to my mind it is so hard to compute that it is simple and I have major anxiety about it. Even now I am starting to freak out and have an anxiety attack...That simple and Im starting to sweat, heart is starting to race....God what is wrong with me...Someone please If you read this, please tell me what is wrong with me that a simple task like I have wrote about gets me all freaked out....Even trying to plan a simple meal gets me all freaked out. 

My mom, bless her heart, now this is such an emotion topic that I can only talk slightly about but she could whip together a meal no problem, she knew each morning what she was going to make for dinner that night without a problem. She was wonder woman. Later on I will go into detail about my mom...Which I have to because it will help me deal with her, She passed away many years ago and I have yet to deal with it. Sad isnt it...Well, I guess Im going to go because I have to calm myself down somehow and right now this isnt really helping me and I created this blog to help me deal with my issues not create more..lol...silly  how we think one thing but end up doing the complete opposite.

night all...
kelly...